Sara in Wonderland

I don’t really know how to find the balance between selfish and selfless. I know you need to be selfless most of the time, but sometimes you need to be selfish too. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll go crazy.

I just don’t know where the line is.

Life rarely goes the way you plan, regardless of how much of your precious time you spend planning it.

I’m starting to feel defeated.

It seems like absolutely nothing has gone as planned since I quit my job last month and started this little adventure. It took me way too long to move, I still have so much more “stuff” than I planned on having at this point, and I’m quickly running out of money. One trip to the vet for my pup, plus the cost of 2 new tires for my car, and my savings have taken a huge hit. And that’s nothing compared to the other $hit I need to pay for before I can make this move happen.

I do have other options, all of which make much more financial sense than moving across the country to city with a very high cost of living (at least compared to where I live now). I’m not really what you would call a “risk-taker”, but especially not when it comes to money.

So why is this so important to me? Why is it worth the risk?

Because I need this. I’ve never needed something so bad in my life, and when you really need something, you’re willing to do what it takes to get it. This isn’t going to be easy, especially this next part, but I’m ready to stop taking the easiest path. I want to prove to myself that I have what it takes.

-Sara

 

Well, it seriously took a couple of weeks longer than I planned to finish getting everything packed up and moved out of my apartment in Florida. I’ve already gotten rid of more than half of my stuff (and that’s not including furniture, which I got rid of completely), but there’s still so much more I need to get rid of. The only way I’m going to be able to make this cross-country move is if I can get my stuff down to what can fit in my Nissan Sentra. Minus the room needed for my dog (roughly human-sized) and my sister, who’s agreed to make the journey with me, before flying back.

I’ve been staying with my dad and sister in South Alabama since I moved out of my apartment. My plan was to try and spend as much time with everyone in my family as I can before I leave, hoping that it will make leaving a little easier on all of us. So far, I haven’t made it to see any of the rest of my family; I haven’t even seen much of my family that’s in this general area, much less my loved ones who live up in Atlanta. Atlanta isn’t too far, but I’m starting to run out of time and money.

And unfortunately, nobody in my family seems anymore warm to the idea of me leaving than when I first let them know my plans. (Plans is a word I use loosely, considering I don’t have any “real plans” at this point.) I’m so stressed out right now, and there are so many things I really need to do before I leave.

So I’m in a difficult position right now, and it’s really taking its toll on me. But the truth is, I haven’t wanted something this bad in a really long time, and I’m going to follow through. I might be right back here in a few months, tail between my legs and defeated; but I’m going to give this my all, and whatever happens, when I look back, I’ll be proud of myself for taking a risk. I’m taking a risk on myself and my ability to work my ass off to get what I want.

-Sara

I have two days left to get rid of the majority of my possessions, and get out of my apartment in Florida. When those two days are up, I will not only be homeless, but also unemployed.

I am not comfortable with this.

But I’m hoping it will all be worth it in the end, when I’m living in my badass house in Santa Monica, with an equally badass job; a job that pays me enough to both live comfortably, and to pay off my student loans sometime in my lifetime. I know I have quite a few obstacles in my way before I get to that point, but I’m ready to put in the work.

So this is the beginning of my journey. I’m getting rid of all the crap that I’ve been hanging onto for the last decade (and through too many moves), and I’m headed across the country to try and make it in LA. I don’t have much in the way of savings, I don’t have any job prospects, and I only have a place to stay for an indefinite amount of time before I have to cough up the several thousand dollars I’m going to need to get an apartment.

I’m leaving behind a lot of important people, and it’s definitely not going to be easy.

Nobody in my family is particularly excited about my decision to move across the country. I just hope they can understand how important this all is to me. I need to do this. I truly don’t believe this is going to be a permanent move, but I’m trying really hard to stop trying to plan every detail of my life. This is something that I’m excited about, and I’m going to listen to my heart this time.

I’ve spent too much time doing what I’m supposed to do. Now I’m going to do something for me.

Wish me luck.

-Sara